she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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