Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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