You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
