Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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