Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
