I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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