i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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