i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
