I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize