I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
