Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
