I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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