"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
