I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
