for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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