If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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