shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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