We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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