he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
