stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
