guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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