Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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