just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
