This gyro tastes like lonliness
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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