found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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