I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
