I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
