I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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