just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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