I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
