That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
