oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
