cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
