You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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