oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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