belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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