somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think my vagina is haunted
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
