You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
