I am puke
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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