His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
