I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
