I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
