Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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