sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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