I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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