were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
