Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize