cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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