umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
