i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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