Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
