Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
