My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
