So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
