it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
only if we run a train.
done.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
