also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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