just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
