I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
