don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
