My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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