accomplished twins. life is a go
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
