a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
