I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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