so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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