"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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