And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
