Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize