this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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