i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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