Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
